Almost two decades ago, I posed a question to a profoundly divided assembly of church leaders: “What is the problem?” The pastor, on the verge of losing his job, struggled to define the problem. The staff wrestled with the question for two days in a retreat, and the deacons argued about it for months. There was a lack of agreement among everyone regarding the problem, with each person having their own interpretation. This church was in conflict–they were “stuck” and needed help.
Conflict in the church is nothing new. In the first century, church members were already experiencing conflict. James asked an early group of believers,“What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?” (James 4:1).
Conflict arises when two or more individuals hold opposing and competitive positions. In a church, these differences can lead to frustration as families and friend sadvocate for their preferences and points of view. The challenge to work together becomes even greater in a consumer-driven culture, where the focus is on meeting people’s desires. If the church is built on catering to people’s wants, it risks becoming a congregation of selfish individuals who are unable to collaborate with one another.
Individuals react to conflict in various ways. Some members choose to leave and find a more agreeable environment. Among the remaining members, there are those who strive for a peaceful resolution, while others become too agitated to back down, leading to an escalation of the conflict to new heights. It becomes challenging to envision a way towards the kind of unity and peace that the church should set as an example in their relationships.
The root cause of conflict turning destructive among church members is not their differences but rather their behavior.Members who are spiritually mature can control their emotions and work towards productive outcomes to resolve the conflict. They can treat conflicts as opportunities to show compassion and demonstrate Christlike patience.
Is your church in conflict?
Set your heart to be a part of the solution and not the problem. In Ephesians 4:1, Paul writes, “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”When someone becomes a member of a church, they are united with others in a very real and organic way through their shared faith in Christ. As a result, every member’s relationship with the Lord should guide how they interact with other members of the church. When conflicts arise, both individuals and the community should work together to prioritize maintaining spiritual ties over personal preferences or concerns.
Remember that God is at work in the midst of every church conflict. In Romans 8:28, Paul writes, “And we know thatGod causes all things to work together for good. ”In a similar confession found in Genesis 50:20, Joseph explains to the brothers who once tried to kill him,“ you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.”God has a plan to extract good from everything that happens to His people, even a damaging and hurtful church conflict. Cry out to Him for His intervention and rescue.
Seek out a third party willing to help your church walk through a peacemaking process. Someone from the “outside” can help guide the church through this difficult season. Unfortunately, the call for help too often comes when the escalation of conflict has become unmanageable. Don’t wait. Your association and state convention have resources to help.
He is faithful!